Dear Moms,
How is life with your teenager? Up and down? Good one moment, and emotionally charged the next?
I know. Me too.
Somedays, I feel as if I have finally figured out what being a parent to teens looks like and what to do, and other days? Well, honestly, other days (maybe, most days?), I feel like a failure.
But what really makes it gut-wrenching? What really scares me is not just that I am a failure, but that I am failing them, my children.
Hi there. I’m Rene, a middle-aged mom of a grown kid and three teenagers.
I work as a parent educator and I love what I do. When my children were young, I loved going places– parks, zoo, museums, the science center– and letting my children run, play and explore. Those days with my kids are over, but now I get to watch children play and explore everyday through my job.
But after I finish my job each day, the children I come home to are not little anymore. Not only are they not little (and literally are bigger than me), but they are not so fun anymore either. We don’t go to parks and zoos anymore. They go to school and come home to more school- homework. There are some sports involved too, but the majority of their time is spent doing schoolwork.
And that’s okay. My kids are not unlike most teens– focusing on their futures, thinking about colleges and future careers. Looking ahead to the roads which will soon spread out in front of them.
And the busyness of their lives makes it feel as if they are almost gone, almost adults. And that my job as a parent is almost finished.
But they’re not. And I’m not.
As a matter of fact, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.
When planning this blog, I thought that I would write one about child development from birth to five years of age (the years I work with in my job). I was going to list milestones, share tips and tricks on topics that parents of all littles face at some point– whether that be potty training or picky eating. I would also share ideas of activities, crafts and games that parents could use to encourage a child’s development.
But that is already being done in so many places.
Moms of littles have a wealth of information at their fingertips now! Much of it is written by moms who are in the trenches– caring for babies, toddlers and preschoolers– sharing what has worked for them, what has not worked and why. Many of these moms are professionals who share their expertise as early childhood educators or therapists.
They are a gold mine!
My days of being in those trenches have passed.
I am in another trench now.
It looks much different. It is not as muddy, not filled with poop talk or boogers, but it is just as messy.
It is the trench of teenagers.
Here’s the thing with this trench.
Few really talk about it. We mention it, roll our eyes and sigh. We view it as we once did boys– “well, boys will be boys.” But I think we have learned that that is not the case. Boys will not just be boys. Many boys need redirection, need to be given a chance to move their bodies, need to be taught how to understand and express their feelings, just like girls. Boys will not just be boys.
And teens deserve more than an eye roll and a sigh.
But in order to do that, we need to understand them and their world — which looks very different than it did when I was a teenager.
We need to do more than push through this trench hoping to eventually climb out. We can do more — for them and for us.
So strap in, buckle up.
Let’s get into the dirty about teenagers.
And we may find as we muddle through it all that there is beauty in that dirt.
